Remembering my Dad

Thursday, 28 November 2013

Every so often, something will happen during your day that just knocks you sideways. You didn't see it coming and you're not prepared.

This morning I've been tidying up some paperwork and in amongst the reams of bank statements, colourful paintings and scribbled notes, I found this...

My dad died four years ago - when my oldest two beans were just two and one year old. I'm determined they don't forget him. 

The night he died I sat and wrote him a poem. I haven't written a poem since school - and will probably never write another one - but the words just tumbled out of me, almost without any conscious thought from me.

The poem explains what he meant to me and I wanted to put it here so that my children can read it one day and remember him all over again.

Why aren't you here?
I watched you fade. Why didn't I know that my chance to tell you so much was fading too?
I will live with so much regret, but so many happy memories.
My hero. My playmate.
The humour we shared I will never replace. I hope you knew how precious it was to me.
Quietly wise. Endlessly strong.
The constant for us all
and I don't know how to function without you.
I so wish I had told you all this when I could have.
I will always remember you as the fighter you were - you are.
Always with dignity and a twinkle in your eye.
Gramps, Dad, BG, Dim... My Dad. 
A huge hole, never to be filled. 
But maybe a chance to express
all the love, respect and honour you deserve.

Sigh deeply Dad.
Breathe easy now.

Ayden will never get to meet him, but every day he reminds me a little more of his gramps.  

He was the funniest, wisest man and my absolute hero. I miss him every day.

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