My (alternative) morning routine

Thursday, 14 May 2015

My (alternative) morning routine

I'm a complete YouTube junkie. Seriously. It's a problem. I would pick YouTube over TV any day of the week (apart from RuPaul's Drag Race, that doesn't count). So many amazing, talented people making videos about their lives, their interests... I love it.

Some of my favourite videos to watch are morning and evening routines. Being a bit of a nosey parker, I love seeing how people go about their everyday lives. But I've noticed these videos are usually pretty relaxed and tranquil. Leisurely mornings spent stretching out on a yoga mat, sipping (hot) coffee and flicking through a magazine, followed by 15 uninterrupted minutes to flawlessly apply makeup, before leaving the house calmly to go about their day.

Haha. They should see my house in the morning. 

So, I thought I'd sum up my morning routine. You know, just to compare...

6:00am  Rudely awoken by a little voice. "mummy.... muuuum-aay.... MUMMY!"
6:01am  Stumble from bed to smallest person's room.
6:05am  Change smallest person's nappy and try to convince him he wants to go back to bed and cuddle for a while.
6:10am  Remove smallest person's fingers from my nose/ears/eyeballs, try desperately to keep eyes closed while offering iPhone as a distraction. Fail miserably.
6:12am  iPhone disabled for 15 minutes. Crap.
6:15am  Joined by other small people for cuddles. There were five in the bed. This soon descends into chaos. Fighting over who gets to cuddle mummy (Ayden is pretty possessive at the moment) and small people insisting they are "starving!" and must eat RIGHT NOW.
6:30am  Admit defeat and accept that I am in fact getting up.
6:35am  Coffee.
6:40am  Breakfast time at the zoo. Three hungry mouths to feed. How can they inhale a bowl of weetabix so fast? I can barely keep up with the "can I have more please mummy" requests. Don't they know the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet?
7:00am  Lunchboxes. Every morning I ask myself why I didn't do it the night before. Speedily assemble inspired Bento-style lunchboxes, complete with pinwheel sandwiches, fruit wearing googly eyes, cupcake cases filled with colour-coordinated snacks and freshly squeezed orange juice. Haha. Not really.
7:15am  Coffee.
7:20am  Attempt to shower in peace. I'm only shooting for three, maybe four minutes of time alone in the bathroom... 
7:21am  Small person enters the bathroom "for a poo". Posh aromatherapy shower oil effects severely diminished.
7:25am  Admit defeat and leave small person to poo in peace.
7:30am  Usual combo of skinny jeans, black vest and slouchy jumper in tact, I attempt to put makeup on. Realise I forgot to do my 20-minute energising morning yoga routine again. Vow to 'make sure I do it tomorrow'.
7:35am  Head downstairs to see what the screaming is for. Turns out small person has decided to change the channel. Other small person is not impressed and is sitting on sibling trying to wrestle the remote from their hand. This is not going well. For either of them.
7:40am  Divide and conquer. Both small people in their rooms for 'quiet time'. Not particularly quiet, but less violent.
7:45am  Smallest person is bored of CBeebies and wants out of his highchair. All hell is about to break loose.
7:50am  Yep. Hell.
8:00am  Smallest person, embracing new freedom, has made his way upstairs and is trying to steal big brother's shoes. 
8:05am  Smallest person has soiled himself. Nappy change.
8:10am  Finish cold coffee.
8:12am  Get small people dressed. Notice another hole in another school jumper. Aargh.
8:25am  Realise I've only applied left eyebrow. Fill in other eyebrow.
8:30am  Small person has removed his shoes and socks. WTF!??
8:32am  Once I'm confident no more items of clothing will be removed, gather together lunch bags, book bags, guitar, kit bag, pushchair, keys, wine... haha, I joke.
8:35am  Realise small person should be in gym kit. Not uniform. Crap.
8:40am  Not only has smallest person found a crayon and 'decorated' the kitchen floor, he's also done another poo. Too much weetabix.
8:42am  Warp-speed nappy change. Got to be a record.
8:45am  Last-minute tooth brushing. Eeeee.... aaaaaah.... move your tongue.... don't bite the brush.... spit. Times three.
8:50am  First school bell! Leave the house sharpish and leg it round the corner to school. Commend myself for choosing a house so close to school.
8:55am  Negotiate with 8-year old for a hug and a kiss (apparently its "not cool"). Take other small person to her classroom. No negotiating necessary this time :)
8:58am  And breathe.
9:00am  Home. Knackered.

Maybe I'll make a video of this too. I think it would be fun.

39 comments

  1. You're right - I've often wondered how people fit in everything they supposedly do in the mornings too - and LOL at the lunches :)

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    1. It would help if I went to bed earlier and got up less reluctantly I'm sure. But where's the fun in that!?? ;)

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  2. Absolutely nuts and I 100% relate. I keep forgetting my am yoga routine too. Argh. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

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    1. Good to know I'm not the only one :)

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  3. Marginally less chaotic but a lot more cajoling, pleading and exclaiming "what on earth have you been doing?" when I find Caitlin has been staring dreamily out of her bedroom window for 15 minutes instead of getting dressed. It's a battle to persuade Ieuan he can't go in his spiderman hoodie and / or dressed as spiderman. Full marks for actually putting makeup on. I now do this approx once a month on a date night with the hubby. I hate the expression date night but you know what I mean!

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    1. If its sunny enough to get away with sunglasses on the school run, I can do without the makeup and save myself a whole 3 and a half minutes! ;)

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  4. Fascinating, funny and ever so slightly frightening. I'm considering reheating my tea or drinking it cold with only one very small person! An accompanying video is quite a thought, the TV series Outnumbered comes to mind :).

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    1. Haha my life does remind me of Outnumbered at times :)

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  5. Love to see this in video form with a fun musical score. Love it!

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  6. Oh my word, I've just published a very similar post on my school run mornings - and I hadn't even seen yours first. Totally relate xx

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    1. Great minds, embracing the chaos together :) x

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  7. This is amazing, it made me snort about twenty times but special mention must go to 6:12, 7:21 and 8:25. You are my new mum blog crush!

    #MMWBH

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    1. Thanks so much! You've made my day :)

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  8. What a fun post. Thanks for linking up with #MMWBH

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    1. Thanks Debs. I bet mornings are pretty busy in your house too ;)

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  9. Sounds so familiar! Every morning I promise myself I'm not going to turn into a mad fishwife shouting things like 'shoes!' up the stairs, every morning I fail. But we all get out of the door vaguely on time and wearing clothes - and that's an achievement as far as I'm concerned!

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    1. Definitely! High five to us ;)

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  10. Oh my god, it's exhausting just reading this! A video would be fun though. Like one of those sped-up ones :D

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  11. luckly for us neither of ours ever woke or wake up at 6am. I don't know how i would be able to deal with getting up at 6.

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  12. I think a video of this would be brilliant! Kudos on the effort, I'm not sure I could do it!

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  13. This is so funny and spot on!! All those 'perfect' morning routines really annoy me sometimes - they're only achievable for the young and childfree!

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  14. Oh that is hilariously funny and so very true to 'real' life! I mean... where do the TV companies/glossy magazines even find these perfect yoga practicing families anyways!!

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  15. Oh this is hilarious....how on earth did you manage to capture my house so well?? LOL the similarities are unreal, either the youtubers and their tranquil mornings are complete fakes or we're all gleefully nuts!!
    Nicola

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  16. Haha, it sounds like your morning is pretty hectic! I would definitely love to see that in vlog form, get it on YouTube pronto!

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  17. I don't have children of my own yet, but I see this all the time at my friends' houses! I will always lend a hand but I always think 'oh God, how will I cope when it's me?!' Mummy's are incredible people!

    Emma xxx
    DollfaceBlogs | DollfaceWeddings

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  18. You know, just for today, I'm going to consider motherhood, because of this post :')
    So fun, thanks :D

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  19. Sounds very familiar. Although no more nappies in our house. 9am - KNACKERED. Yup and by 4pm I'm like "Is it bedtime yet????" lol. But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world :) xx

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  20. Hahaaa! What a funny post - sorry, no offence meant on your chaotic mornings. Trust me, mines are just as bad lol!

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  21. Hahaaa! What a funny post - sorry, no offence meant on your chaotic mornings. Trust me, mines are just as bad lol!

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  22. this is so funny and I can totally relate, although when I get down after shower its usually rice crispy gate all over the floor or else they have attacked to goodie press lol I always thought a mum's get ready with me video would make very entertaining viewing, you should do that..

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  23. Our mornings are very similar to yours! The amount my children eat is amazing too. I don't know where the put it all! No wonder we're needing more coffee by 9am, and a nap.

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  24. Haha brilliant! Sounds a bit like my routine and I've only one child. The taking off of shoes and socks is what annoys me the most. Asking a small version of myself - "where's your sock?" over and over again just isn't what I envisioned for my future!

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  25. lol! 7.35am is my favourite and something I have to look forward to in years to come! It's all about surviving the day, only to do it all over again tomorrow! x

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  26. Mornings are a full days work aren't they. This really made me smile and I think you've nailed something we can all relate to here

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  27. Love this!! So funny. I only have one small persona don I find that stressful enough! :) I just uploaded my pray weekly blog to YouTube and I have a stressful morning with lamb the whole morning is generally a let down! X

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  28. At least I am not the only one with such a manic morning routine. always do my packed lunches the night before just incase god help us we sleep in! Great funny post.

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  29. Haha that did make me laugh sounds a bit like my morning except the children are older!
    http://www.fadedspring.co.uk

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