My (alternative) morning routine

I'm a complete YouTube junkie. Seriously. It's a problem. I would pick YouTube over TV any day of the week (apart from RuPaul's Drag Race, that doesn't count). So many amazing, talented people making videos about their lives, their interests... I love it.

Some of my favourite videos to watch are morning and evening routines. Being a bit of a nosey parker, I love seeing how people go about their everyday lives. But I've noticed these videos are usually pretty relaxed and tranquil. Leisurely mornings spent stretching out on a yoga mat, sipping (hot) coffee and flicking through a magazine, followed by 15 uninterrupted minutes to flawlessly apply makeup, before leaving the house calmly to go about their day.

Haha. They should see my house in the morning. 

So, I thought I'd sum up my morning routine. You know, just to compare...

6:00am  Rudely awoken by a little voice. "mummy.... muuuum-aay.... MUMMY!"
6:01am  Stumble from bed to smallest person's room.
6:05am  Change smallest person's nappy and try to convince him he wants to go back to bed and cuddle for a while.
6:10am  Remove smallest person's fingers from my nose/ears/eyeballs, try desperately to keep eyes closed while offering iPhone as a distraction. Fail miserably.
6:12am  iPhone disabled for 15 minutes. Crap.
6:15am  Joined by other small people for cuddles. There were five in the bed. This soon descends into chaos. Fighting over who gets to cuddle mummy (Ayden is pretty possessive at the moment) and small people insisting they are "starving!" and must eat RIGHT NOW.
6:30am  Admit defeat and accept that I am in fact getting up.
6:35am  Coffee.
6:40am  Breakfast time at the zoo. Three hungry mouths to feed. How can they inhale a bowl of weetabix so fast? I can barely keep up with the "can I have more please mummy" requests. Don't they know the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet?
7:00am  Lunchboxes. Every morning I ask myself why I didn't do it the night before. Speedily assemble inspired Bento-style lunchboxes, complete with pinwheel sandwiches, fruit wearing googly eyes, cupcake cases filled with colour-coordinated snacks and freshly squeezed orange juice. Haha. Not really.
7:15am  Coffee.
7:20am  Attempt to shower in peace. I'm only shooting for three, maybe four minutes of time alone in the bathroom... 
7:21am  Small person enters the bathroom "for a poo". Posh aromatherapy shower oil effects severely diminished.
7:25am  Admit defeat and leave small person to poo in peace.
7:30am  Usual combo of skinny jeans, black vest and slouchy jumper in tact, I attempt to put makeup on. Realise I forgot to do my 20-minute energising morning yoga routine again. Vow to 'make sure I do it tomorrow'.
7:35am  Head downstairs to see what the screaming is for. Turns out small person has decided to change the channel. Other small person is not impressed and is sitting on sibling trying to wrestle the remote from their hand. This is not going well. For either of them.
7:40am  Divide and conquer. Both small people in their rooms for 'quiet time'. Not particularly quiet, but less violent.
7:45am  Smallest person is bored of CBeebies and wants out of his highchair. All hell is about to break loose.
7:50am  Yep. Hell.
8:00am  Smallest person, embracing new freedom, has made his way upstairs and is trying to steal big brother's shoes. 
8:05am  Smallest person has soiled himself. Nappy change.
8:10am  Finish cold coffee.
8:12am  Get small people dressed. Notice another hole in another school jumper. Aargh.
8:25am  Realise I've only applied left eyebrow. Fill in other eyebrow.
8:30am  Small person has removed his shoes and socks. WTF!??
8:32am  Once I'm confident no more items of clothing will be removed, gather together lunch bags, book bags, guitar, kit bag, pushchair, keys, wine... haha, I joke.
8:35am  Realise small person should be in gym kit. Not uniform. Crap.
8:40am  Not only has smallest person found a crayon and 'decorated' the kitchen floor, he's also done another poo. Too much weetabix.
8:42am  Warp-speed nappy change. Got to be a record.
8:45am  Last-minute tooth brushing. Eeeee.... aaaaaah.... move your tongue.... don't bite the brush.... spit. Times three.
8:50am  First school bell! Leave the house sharpish and leg it round the corner to school. Commend myself for choosing a house so close to school.
8:55am  Negotiate with 8-year old for a hug and a kiss (apparently its "not cool"). Take other small person to her classroom. No negotiating necessary this time :)
8:58am  And breathe.
9:00am  Home. Knackered.

Maybe I'll make a video of this too. I think it would be fun.