My (alternative) morning routine
Thursday, 14 May 2015
I'm a complete YouTube junkie. Seriously. It's a problem. I would pick YouTube over TV any day of the week (apart from RuPaul's Drag Race, that doesn't count). So many amazing, talented people making videos about their lives, their interests... I love it.
Some of my favourite videos to watch are morning and evening routines. Being a bit of a nosey parker, I love seeing how people go about their everyday lives. But I've noticed these videos are usually pretty relaxed and tranquil. Leisurely mornings spent stretching out on a yoga mat, sipping (hot) coffee and flicking through a magazine, followed by 15 uninterrupted minutes to flawlessly apply makeup, before leaving the house calmly to go about their day.
Haha. They should see my house in the morning.
So, I thought I'd sum up my morning routine. You know, just to compare...
6:00am Rudely awoken by a little voice. "mummy.... muuuum-aay.... MUMMY!"
6:01am Stumble from bed to smallest person's room.
6:05am Change smallest person's nappy and try to convince him he wants to go back to bed and cuddle for a while.
6:10am Remove smallest person's fingers from my nose/ears/eyeballs, try desperately to keep eyes closed while offering iPhone as a distraction. Fail miserably.
6:12am iPhone disabled for 15 minutes. Crap.
6:15am Joined by other small people for cuddles. There were five in the bed. This soon descends into chaos. Fighting over who gets to cuddle mummy (Ayden is pretty possessive at the moment) and small people insisting they are "starving!" and must eat RIGHT NOW.
6:30am Admit defeat and accept that I am in fact getting up.
6:35am Coffee.
6:40am Breakfast time at the zoo. Three hungry mouths to feed. How can they inhale a bowl of weetabix so fast? I can barely keep up with the "can I have more please mummy" requests. Don't they know the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet?
7:00am Lunchboxes. Every morning I ask myself why I didn't do it the night before. Speedily assemble inspired Bento-style lunchboxes, complete with pinwheel sandwiches, fruit wearing googly eyes, cupcake cases filled with colour-coordinated snacks and freshly squeezed orange juice. Haha. Not really.
7:15am Coffee.
7:20am Attempt to shower in peace. I'm only shooting for three, maybe four minutes of time alone in the bathroom...
7:21am Small person enters the bathroom "for a poo". Posh aromatherapy shower oil effects severely diminished.
7:25am Admit defeat and leave small person to poo in peace.
7:30am Usual combo of skinny jeans, black vest and slouchy jumper in tact, I attempt to put makeup on. Realise I forgot to do my 20-minute energising morning yoga routine again. Vow to 'make sure I do it tomorrow'.
7:35am Head downstairs to see what the screaming is for. Turns out small person has decided to change the channel. Other small person is not impressed and is sitting on sibling trying to wrestle the remote from their hand. This is not going well. For either of them.
7:40am Divide and conquer. Both small people in their rooms for 'quiet time'. Not particularly quiet, but less violent.
7:45am Smallest person is bored of CBeebies and wants out of his highchair. All hell is about to break loose.
7:50am Yep. Hell.
8:00am Smallest person, embracing new freedom, has made his way upstairs and is trying to steal big brother's shoes.
8:05am Smallest person has soiled himself. Nappy change.
8:10am Finish cold coffee.
8:12am Get small people dressed. Notice another hole in another school jumper. Aargh.
8:25am Realise I've only applied left eyebrow. Fill in other eyebrow.
8:30am Small person has removed his shoes and socks. WTF!??
8:32am Once I'm confident no more items of clothing will be removed, gather together lunch bags, book bags, guitar, kit bag, pushchair, keys, wine... haha, I joke.
8:35am Realise small person should be in gym kit. Not uniform. Crap.
8:40am Not only has smallest person found a crayon and 'decorated' the kitchen floor, he's also done another poo. Too much weetabix.
8:42am Warp-speed nappy change. Got to be a record.
8:45am Last-minute tooth brushing. Eeeee.... aaaaaah.... move your tongue.... don't bite the brush.... spit. Times three.
8:50am First school bell! Leave the house sharpish and leg it round the corner to school. Commend myself for choosing a house so close to school.
8:55am Negotiate with 8-year old for a hug and a kiss (apparently its "not cool"). Take other small person to her classroom. No negotiating necessary this time :)
8:58am And breathe.
9:00am Home. Knackered.
Maybe I'll make a video of this too. I think it would be fun.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You're right - I've often wondered how people fit in everything they supposedly do in the mornings too - and LOL at the lunches :)
ReplyDeleteIt would help if I went to bed earlier and got up less reluctantly I'm sure. But where's the fun in that!?? ;)
DeleteAbsolutely nuts and I 100% relate. I keep forgetting my am yoga routine too. Argh. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x
ReplyDeleteGood to know I'm not the only one :)
DeleteMarginally less chaotic but a lot more cajoling, pleading and exclaiming "what on earth have you been doing?" when I find Caitlin has been staring dreamily out of her bedroom window for 15 minutes instead of getting dressed. It's a battle to persuade Ieuan he can't go in his spiderman hoodie and / or dressed as spiderman. Full marks for actually putting makeup on. I now do this approx once a month on a date night with the hubby. I hate the expression date night but you know what I mean!
ReplyDeleteIf its sunny enough to get away with sunglasses on the school run, I can do without the makeup and save myself a whole 3 and a half minutes! ;)
DeleteFascinating, funny and ever so slightly frightening. I'm considering reheating my tea or drinking it cold with only one very small person! An accompanying video is quite a thought, the TV series Outnumbered comes to mind :).
ReplyDeleteHaha my life does remind me of Outnumbered at times :)
DeleteLove to see this in video form with a fun musical score. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI'll get on to it ;)
DeleteOh my word, I've just published a very similar post on my school run mornings - and I hadn't even seen yours first. Totally relate xx
ReplyDeleteGreat minds, embracing the chaos together :) x
DeleteThis is amazing, it made me snort about twenty times but special mention must go to 6:12, 7:21 and 8:25. You are my new mum blog crush!
ReplyDelete#MMWBH
Thanks so much! You've made my day :)
DeleteWhat a fun post. Thanks for linking up with #MMWBH
ReplyDeleteThanks Debs. I bet mornings are pretty busy in your house too ;)
DeleteSounds so familiar! Every morning I promise myself I'm not going to turn into a mad fishwife shouting things like 'shoes!' up the stairs, every morning I fail. But we all get out of the door vaguely on time and wearing clothes - and that's an achievement as far as I'm concerned!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely! High five to us ;)
DeleteOh my god, it's exhausting just reading this! A video would be fun though. Like one of those sped-up ones :D
ReplyDeleteHaha yes! :)
Deleteluckly for us neither of ours ever woke or wake up at 6am. I don't know how i would be able to deal with getting up at 6.
ReplyDeleteI think a video of this would be brilliant! Kudos on the effort, I'm not sure I could do it!
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny and spot on!! All those 'perfect' morning routines really annoy me sometimes - they're only achievable for the young and childfree!
ReplyDeleteOh that is hilariously funny and so very true to 'real' life! I mean... where do the TV companies/glossy magazines even find these perfect yoga practicing families anyways!!
ReplyDeleteOh this is hilarious....how on earth did you manage to capture my house so well?? LOL the similarities are unreal, either the youtubers and their tranquil mornings are complete fakes or we're all gleefully nuts!!
ReplyDeleteNicola
Haha, it sounds like your morning is pretty hectic! I would definitely love to see that in vlog form, get it on YouTube pronto!
ReplyDeleteI don't have children of my own yet, but I see this all the time at my friends' houses! I will always lend a hand but I always think 'oh God, how will I cope when it's me?!' Mummy's are incredible people!
ReplyDeleteEmma xxx
DollfaceBlogs | DollfaceWeddings
You know, just for today, I'm going to consider motherhood, because of this post :')
ReplyDeleteSo fun, thanks :D
Sounds very familiar. Although no more nappies in our house. 9am - KNACKERED. Yup and by 4pm I'm like "Is it bedtime yet????" lol. But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world :) xx
ReplyDeleteHahaaa! What a funny post - sorry, no offence meant on your chaotic mornings. Trust me, mines are just as bad lol!
ReplyDeleteHahaaa! What a funny post - sorry, no offence meant on your chaotic mornings. Trust me, mines are just as bad lol!
ReplyDeletethis is so funny and I can totally relate, although when I get down after shower its usually rice crispy gate all over the floor or else they have attacked to goodie press lol I always thought a mum's get ready with me video would make very entertaining viewing, you should do that..
ReplyDeleteOur mornings are very similar to yours! The amount my children eat is amazing too. I don't know where the put it all! No wonder we're needing more coffee by 9am, and a nap.
ReplyDeleteHaha brilliant! Sounds a bit like my routine and I've only one child. The taking off of shoes and socks is what annoys me the most. Asking a small version of myself - "where's your sock?" over and over again just isn't what I envisioned for my future!
ReplyDeletelol! 7.35am is my favourite and something I have to look forward to in years to come! It's all about surviving the day, only to do it all over again tomorrow! x
ReplyDeleteMornings are a full days work aren't they. This really made me smile and I think you've nailed something we can all relate to here
ReplyDeleteLove this!! So funny. I only have one small persona don I find that stressful enough! :) I just uploaded my pray weekly blog to YouTube and I have a stressful morning with lamb the whole morning is generally a let down! X
ReplyDeleteAt least I am not the only one with such a manic morning routine. always do my packed lunches the night before just incase god help us we sleep in! Great funny post.
ReplyDeleteHaha that did make me laugh sounds a bit like my morning except the children are older!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fadedspring.co.uk